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your name in english

by jimmy cares

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1.
flawed scheme 03:15
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why do i care for you? why can't i take you for a fool? why? listen, man you're gonna pay for it you're gonna pay for what you've done to my head pay me with the feelings you didn't show the show we didn't go to how do you make me weak? i'm turning on everyone i know standing up for your lazy ass you're gonna pay for it for respecting all my words even if i called it off yeah you were my dream my perfectly flawed scheme i miss you so much but i only miss what i never had the memory of a kiss that might as well just have been "hello" just go
2.
question 03:27
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you ask me a question to shut me up pretend that you care about my driving lessons no, a single question won't ever be enough if we're playing pretend, might as well make the effort to fool me for once you can't love don't freak out, i'm not saying i am in love with you but look outside, the traffic, it goes one way i put my glasses on long ago, i'm fine yet i still wait for your question even though you can't love me you can't love any form or shape that appears in front of you my love, your love, you think it kills you but what kills right now, it only kills because all i see is how you can't love she tells me i shouldn't expect a drop of holy water from a dry spring and the questions are all on my side right now google it, when is it time to fully give up? i'm so scared of giving up but you're scared of every form and shape that appears in front of you my love, your love, you think it kills you but what kills right now, it only kills because all i see is how you can't love even if you try to you can't be the one i need now or ever why do i try so hard to make the pieces fit? i ruined the game i was born fire and you don't know how to feed any fucking flame that lights up in front of you my love, your love, you think it kills you but what kills right now, it only kills because all i see is every form and shape that appears in front of you my love, your love, you think it kills you but what kills right now is knowing that i'm not gonna be the one who'll change you
3.
sleeping in 04:12
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how do you like sleeping in? showering twice a week not going out with your parents you're a creep closed inside watching porn on the TV wishing you were fucking him meanwhile caught up on your feed you're a creep left inside you don't even cross the street get a license, drive a car long gone is the dream we had you'd get on a train, we'd hang tell me that you're always good to the only sister that you have be the good you're not to me i'm here but i am going back it's so frustrating to see the one you could have loved get lost and it takes all the life in me to watch us drift to watch us drift we would be rich by now hiding away some place nice if i had saved a dollar for every time you said you'd go get a job, a therapist just do something else but home you do nothing else but home you do nothing else but staying alone it's so frustrating to see the one you could have loved get lost and it takes all the life in me to watch me go to watch me go you must love sleeping in are they sweet, those dreams you have? oh you have settled for so much less than me
4.
tonight 02:28
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tomorrow i will spend one minute less in the mirror one minute less choosing my shirt my taste, my humor won't change because of it my shirt does nothing about it tonight i won't dream about kissing some faceless face i believe there's mountains and valleys watching me from my wardrobe tonight the world's watching me sleep tonight today i was gone for a minute then came back i've been fighting a fight i brought to my town i miss my own town so if i look remotely interesting look for me ask me where i'm from otherwise, you won't be there at all tonight i won't dream about holding you i believe there's mountains and valleys watching me

about

I started recording these songs almost exactly a year ago, in a moment I felt I had no voice. I was drowning in the toxicity of someone else and had to find a way to escape: music was the answer. I had always wanted to make a project like this, with a concept, with my songs, something of my own, but I was always delaying it, not having the guts to start something I knew wouldn't let me rest until it was finished. In that moment, I couldn't delay it anymore, I needed to speak up. In that moment, it made sense.

These songs were already written before that, but they became so much more with time. It all started with unrequited love, with watching someone you loved being so reckless, struggling with who they were; and everytime you tried to help them, you just got hurt, so much that you had to eventually give up.
These songs started with all this anger, sadness, frustration, but ended up being a representation of resilience, of acceptance, of peace when I grabbed my guitar, set up my mic, mixed all the tracks together. Doing the best we can, accepting how powerless we are (and that we're not good at everything), and being at peace with it. This is what I learned from making this album and it was one of the most valuable lessons I have ever learned.

I struggled deeply throughout the last year, thought of giving up on these songs, fell out of love with making music, went crazy at the thought of that.
But right now I am proud to finally close a chapter, but mostly to know I was able to write one, alone.

You can't save others, but you can surely save yourself.

credits

released September 5, 2021

Written, recorded, mixed and mastered by me
September 7, 2020 - September 4, 2021

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jimmy cares Lisbon, Portugal

spilling my guts to strangers.

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